My surroundings all began to haunt my inner self. There was no smoke in the room, yet it felt as if a dark cloud of smoke was filling up my throat. It was as if there was a void in my soul, in my existence; something inside me was incomplete. Looking outside the window, staring at everything didn’t make my soul less burdened. So I went back and lay on my bed, wrapped my warm blanket around my body. To my amusement, even the blanket so warm and comfortable didn’t comfort my inner turmoil.

      I lay on the side of the bed and just stared at the grey wall. I wondered, as humans we make things in our lives so black and white. We leave no room for the ‘grey’ areas, we just tend to block them out. I thought, perhaps it was the grey part in my life that was haunting my soul. I looked at my husband again, I felt repelled at his mere presence right before my eyes. My mind didn’t comprehend what I was feeling at the moment as an utter state of confusion took over me. I couldn’t understand my own self. I felt as if it was some supernatural being, or perhaps a different person, who had taken over my existence. Suddenly, I was experiencing such feelings of disgust and animosity for my husband that I had never experienced before. How could this be possible?

 Someone who I had loved and adored all my life, how could I experience such intense emotions of hatred towards him. Nothing made sense; it was as if I was living in a dream. I didn’t know whether, all that appeared was real or a mere figment of my imagination.  At that very moment, reality seemed liked a dream, everything was blurred. I tried to close my eyes and go to sleep, but I simply couldn’t . I reluctantly tried to put myself to sleep, by just closing my eyes but my mind was still awake. Soon the sun rose, sunlight peered through the white curtains on our white linen sheets, some how in that ray of sunlight I could see black holes, I didn’t understand whether they were actually there or my ill mind was just imagining them. I shook my head. After a few seconds when I looked back, they were gone. I got up , my husband was still asleep, I quietly slipped my feet in my slippers, tied my untidy hair in a bun.

 As I was about to leave the room, I took a glance in the mirror and I looked deep into my eyes. They looked swollen and empty. I touched my face, I felt numb. I walked outside the room and went to the lounge. I made a cup of coffee for myself, sat on the dining table and looked outside the large window. We lived in an apartment in Manhattan. The apartment was on the highest floor. I looked down and everything seemed so congested: the traffic, people rushing from one place to another. It seemed like a ruckus. All the commotion made me uneasy. I sipped my coffee and just stared outside at the sunlight, for it was so bright, yet so gloomy and dark to my sense of sight. As I was thinking all of this, Peter got up and came to the lounge, cooked himself breakfast, made coffee for himself and sat right across me on the dining table. He quietly started reading a newspaper. We didn’t speak at all. It was as though two strangers were sitting across the table, completely oblivious to each other. Two people, who had once been so drawn towards each other, how could they just lose interest in one another? 

Lush green forest, with the bright sun shining through the trees.. nature could not be any more beautiful than this.  The chirping of birds and sounds of the waterfall became the rhythm for 8 years old Ania and her friend Sara. They danced beautifully to nature’s music. The very next minute she found herself in a crowd of people draped in white clothes. Ania saw the people clapping and appreciating their performance. She turned to look at Sara and, suddenly, found herself in the middle of a fierce crowd. She saw her hand drenched in blood and right next to her was her friend Sara lying on the ground with blood coming out of her neck. But, then she heard applause again. She turned her face right and saw herself in the middle of the stage.

She cleared her audition and won a ticket to the first round. However, there was something that held her back to live the moment. It was guilt but at the same time a relief.  She cleared the first three rounds but the imagery kept on repeating itself. And every time it got more and more vivid. Though she was a charismatic performer but judges thought her presentation was monotonous.  Ania could never face rejection as that brought a gray shade to her personality.  She could go to any extent to get what she wanted. She struggled and every time she gave her best. Until 24^th January. It was the 4^th round and she was in the bottom two. 

This was her last chance to stay in the show, if she could win the face off. She knew deep inside the reason for her monotony.  The host said:

“Let the faceoff begin!”

The faceoff began to heat up and got fierce. She could not take no as an answer. It was about to come to an end and she knew she was going to win but all of a sudden, she blacked out and froze. The same images began to repeat. The same people in white, the same forest, her hands full of blood, but this time it was different. Soon this image blurred and Ania saw herself on the dance floor, a few years back. It was March 24. It was her and Sara’s first big break into the industry.  

Ania made a plan to set Sara up.  They both were supposed to be on the stage in one hour. Ania called up Sara and began to sob. She said that she won’t be able to make it as her mother is ill. Sara said if you don’t go then I won’t because we are in this together and said I am coming to your place. And she left. Ania appeared on the stage alone and gained all the limelight. And when the judges asked where her partner was, she said that Sara had deserted her.  Sara disrespected the clause therefore, she could never apply again.  

She came back to her senses and started screaming ‘I killed her! I killed her!’. She pulled out her hair leaving everyone in shock and this was it for her.   

To begin with, we have no choice but to ask ourselves that what is it that the human heart and soul longs for. What is this deep rooted longing that does not seem to go away; that lingers on and creates a throbbing rupture inside one’s very being? The closer we feel to the ‘ground of truth’, the more it seems to fade away, leaving our soul searching for unanswered questions. Questions fading away and leaving our existence in some ambiguous journey in which we are caught up in an endless void. In other words, that void is an ‘abyss’ in which we are just drowning with no tangible holds to hold onto. The more we try, the more it goes out of our grasp, making reality and, hence, truth seem like nothing but a mere illusion. So what is it that will ease the throbbing pain inside our beings?

A person who has gone out for a walk around the lake is someone who wants to ease his burdened and melancholic heart. He wants some answers from the world. He is lost and wants some dwelling to make his ‘home’; in that sense, he is in search of his home. He has lost the way to his home. Bewildered by the vastness of the lake, he is left in a half conscious state, where he no longer knows that the home which he is looking for , whether it is even his ‘real’ home or not? Now, the path that he was looking for itself has become murkier; it’s losing its quiddity and withering away into delusion. So how does he find his home? How does he put his restless soul to rest, when finally he is letting go of the long withheld crutches?

Many people on the TV, who had visited the island, were getting haunted by “ghosts of animals”. Alize suggested they go there as it was only a couple miles away. Efaaf agreed, but Smile was scared of ghosts and dark. Finally, they got Smile to go with them. They packed their essentials and went on the journey. When they reached there, “We finally made it, and it looks creepy”, exclaimed Alize. They went in to explore and find a good place to camp. Efaaf found a good place to camp on but behind it was a semetary of dead animals. Alize said to her friends, “Come, let’s see what’s in the semetary”. They were too scared to go there, but they did. This was the worst choice they made. Suddenly, Smile heard a rustling in the bushes and went to check but there was nothing. She was too late now and had lost Alize and Efaaf. She didn’t know where to find them. She went straight ahead for about 30 minutes but couldn’t find them anywhere.  She was too scared to do anything, so she made her way back to camp and hid in her tent. She fell asleep there and after some time, woke up to scary noises and a shadow. She didn’t know what they were. Smile unzipped the tent and saw to her suprise that it was a leopard but its half body was as if eaten. She didn’t know what to do as more and more animals were coming. Luckily, she had a big stick with her for protection. She went out of the tent but there were no animals as it was morning. She took a sigh of relief and saw that Alize and Efaaf were back. Alize asked Smile how she got here so quick. Smile said, “I was checking a bush but then I lost you guys.” Efaaf said that she was with them all the time. Smile was very confused as she didn’t know what to do. They kept arguing all day. Soon it was getting dark and there was thunder coming their way. Smile said, “Let’s all stay in one tent. It’s scary outside”. So they slept in one tent untill at 3 in the night when they heard chanting and dead animal noises. All of them went outside. Smile was in the lead bu, on the way to the semetary, Smile said, “Runnn!”. There were 3 leopards and a wolf running after them. Efaaf and Alize got back and heard screams, but it was too late for Smile as she was getting eaten up by the zombie animals that had no skin.

Alize said, “We are going back in the morning” and Efaaf said ok crying. When it was morning, they both headed back home and made it safely.

They missed Smile a lot and got huanted every night by the sounds of the animals and screaming of Smile.

They regretted going there even though they didn’t know what was ahead of them. Ever since then they got haunted by animal nightmares.

                                                                                                            THE END

Bereft of life in the eyes

Flies death up high 

Into the blanket of the white

Rests a castle for the demised

Collecting the souls from time to time

Left the Reaper dull and dry.

Till the morning hit the sky,

Making the water glitter so bright 

Blinded from the shine,

Falls the reaper into life.

Sways in a beauty fluttering through the time

Flirting with the wind, as her right

Sits on the shore with a smile 

Leaving the Reaper mesmerized

Drifted by glory of her sight,

He was sparkling in the light

Dancing the sudden ardors of youth

It was the time to take the life

But the Reaper had never felt so right.

The moment spun things around

Death has fallen in love, first time

Being has never felt this foul

Sits afar the grim of time

Regretting to serve his fate that night